Match Statistics

Date Team 1 Goals 1 Team 2 Goals 2 Match reports
Wed, 06/03/2019 Paraguay
Ben Donald
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Cuddigan
Mayamiko Kachingwe
Nick Warner
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Simon Gillespie
4 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Barney Reynolds
Hugo Fuller
John Romeo
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
8 Fuller H injured himself in the mid-morning training session so a like for like* swap ensued with Davies S and as I have said before when you get a triumvirate of Davies you do not lose. Davies P was the lone Davies for Paraguay and while he may have thought he could be the Lone Ranger and engineer a victory against overwhelming odds with Warner H as Silver and Cuddigan H as Tonto he probably ended up feeling like the guy on the poster for Platoon! Uruguay while perhaps over confident and never in danger of losing did squander chances and forgot to defend allowing Warner N to score several well struck breakaway goals. Reynolds B dialled back the years to remind us of his youthful tricks, tricks like not passing to his nearest teammate, tripping over his own stepovers & shooting wherever he was and strangely all shots drifting left of the goal! Uruguay did score some well worked goals however goal of the season has been decided and went to Paraguay’s sub Kachingwe M. Maya picked the ball up in his own half and then drifted past Coltart R who was then fortunate to be behind him as a result and watch as Maya then struck the ball from 35 yards out and it arrowed with a tiny wobble from the left side of the pitch into the top right corner making it simple for the keeper Hodgson A as all he had to do was pick the ball out of the net! Sadly it was too great too late! * my asterisk above allows me to clear up any confusion with my like for like statement. Both are of course men over 40 therefore like for like.
Wed, 06/02/2019 Paraguay
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Cuddigan
Martin Calver
Mayamiko Kachingwe
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Simon Gillespie
Steve Davies
9 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Ben Donald
Hugo Fuller
John Romeo
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
3 Tonight was one of those David v Goliath games and in a slight twist to the usual outcome Goliath won comfortably! This was a landslide for Paraguay akin to the 1989 Paraguayan election for Provincial President General Andres Rodriguez as Paraguay were structured, quick and lethal on the counter attack. To be fair Uruguay did leave the middle of the park wide open like the 2016 Antarctic Chasm. For some odd reason Uruguay seemed to collectively feel the best places to mark were out wide! Anyhow both teams had some well worked goals. Uruguay definitely had to be more industrious in carving out their options and least they scored. Coltar R had a mini huff at losing and being fouled a few times but other than that fun was had by all. Did not attend the pub to get the elder’s input on the game. Apparently last week Uruguay spanked Paraguay so its a bit of a topsey turvey season. As Greavsey said “it’s a funny old game”.
Wed, 23/01/2019 Paraguay
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Cuddigan
Mayamiko Kachingwe
Nick Warner
Paddy Inglis
Richard Aseme
Shaun Lascelles
William Stevenson
5 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Hugo Fuller
James Arbib
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
Steve Davies
10 What do you get when you have a triumvirate of Davieseses (that’s enough ‘es-Ed) on your team? You get a win.....and a handsome one too. On a chilly night where oddly one end of the pitch was frosted Uruguay blitzed Paraguay. On paper the teams looked relatively even and indeed the opening ten minutes were even. Like a poked bear Cuddigan H bite back from last week’s comments and along with Hodgson A the two of them scored the first four (very good) goals to make it 2-2. Hodgson A was clearly looking for a second consecutive MoM as again he was leading the attack and at 2-2 Uruguay cut loose and were 6-2 up at half time. Rumours that Uruguay’s half time chat consisted of a vote that voted to allow Paraguay to score a few soft goals at the start of the second half were unfounded as the result of the first vote was too close to call and the rest of half time was spent discussing if we should have another vote but we couldn’t decide what the vote should be and then it was the start of the second half! Confused by their own half time chat Uruguay allowed Paraguay to score three soft goals thereby making their half time a farce! Once they identified where that scenario was strangely similar they took the game but the scruff of the neck and along with Inglis P who started passing to Uruguay they scored four more! For Paraguay Cuddigan H was MoM with a hat Trick (or more) of goals. For Uruguay all 8 players were MoMs and called Davieseseseseses! Good night
Wed, 16/01/2019 Paraguay
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Cuddigan
Nick Warner
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Richard Aseme
Simon Gillespie
Steve Davies
2 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Hugo Fuller
Mark Davies
Martin Calver
Mayamiko Kachingwe
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
4 This week’s naughty step recipient is Aseme R who turned up late dressed as a winter lifeguard on the Cornish coast. To be fair we started late so his tardiness had no impact on the opening part of the game which was a frantic end to end affair with missed shots aplenty. Gillespie S, Fuller H & Capione S all shot on sight of goal irrespective of which goal! The usual Davies clan warfare took place in the middle of the park between the Paraguayan branch Daviess’ S & P and the Uruguayan branch Daviess’ M & M (not to be confused with confectionary of US rappers). While the game was tight Uruguay always looked like they were going to sneak it with Calver M popping up and scoring and passing as and when required. 2-1 to Uruguay saw the lead go to 3-1 and Paraguay threatened a comeback at 3-2 but a goal to make it 4-2 took the wind out of their sail. Often over looked in these reports but someone who had a great game (according to himself) was Hodgson A and to be fair those of us who made the pub agreed with him. He carried the attack to Paraguay and beat the off side trap of Inglis P effortlessly time and time again. Conversely Warner N had a torrid time dealing with the relaxed style of Kachingwe M who long languid running style made him look like he was gliding over the 4G turf. Coltart R informed the pub he was drawing up a set of Worthless Top Trumps. The categories were speed, skill, offence, defence & awareness. Cuddigan H informed Coltart R that he often dumbs down his game to blend in with the rest of us otherwise he’d comfortably be the top card. It makes perfect sense as no one could miss that many goal opportunities naturally! Morgan C made the comment as he was leaving the pub that these reports were a bit dry and needed something to spice them up like trying to put everyones name into one report. What loser would do that?!?
Wed, 09/01/2019 Paraguay
Charlie Morgan
Deven Ghelani
Hugo Cuddigan
Nick Warner
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Richard Aseme
Steve Davies
4 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Gordon Baker
Hugo Fuller
Jonny Matthews
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
4 The Christmas break usually is a time for healthy portions of turkey and trimmings however clearly fitness was on the minds of the 16 trim individuals who took to the pitch to contest an enjoyable and frantic game. Uruguay were 4-2 ahead with 10mins to go however could not hold off the Paraguayan onslaught and in the 71st mins (remember of a 60mins game) Paraguay scored the goal that gave them a draw. Roll on next week.
Wed, 12/12/2018 Paraguay
Andy Krick
Hugo Cuddigan
Jonny Matthews
Mayamiko Kachingwe
Nick Haigh
Nick Warner
Pete Davies
Simon Gillespie
5 Uruguay
Charlie Morgan
Gordon Baker
Hugo Fuller
James Arbib
John Romeo
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
4 They say sporting greatness is often defined as being on the losing team yet being the man of the match and tonight at the pub everyone (4 of us the other two were getting drinks) agreed that applied to one player. Stand up Michael “Mike” Davies. He single handedly carried Uruguay tonight with his box to box running style, cajoling of teammates and opponents and his superman like vision and oversight of the game. His performance mirrored an officer in the trenches turning to his men and saying “Follow me, we’ll be fine” and leading them to victory against superior numbers. Sadly his team were more Dad’s Army than Navy SEALs and shot themselves in the foot and handed each other pin-out grenades as Mike took the game by the scruff of the neck and each time Paraguay went ahead he found a way to pull Uruguay back into it the game. Step over, tackles and strikes he was a one man wrecking ball,a Paraguayan nightmare. As a Uruguayan player I was grateful he was on our team and not one of his duff brothers who barely registered on the pitch tonight, I would have sworn neither were there! (Umm one wasn’t-Ed) Davies Mark even asked if he could be adopted by Mike as he’s half way there with the surname! On behalf of myself and the rest of the Uruguayan team we’re sorry Mike we did not acquit ourselves adequately. You were 100% there and the rest of us 10% and we only lost by one. If we had just upped our game a little we would have obliterated Paraguay. We’ll aim to do that next week before the Christmas dinner and my usual three course meal. Cuddigan H is getting in the Hippy Crack before next week’s game so be in the car park by the urine patch ten minutes before kick off.
Wed, 28/11/2018 Paraguay
Andy Krick
Hugo Cuddigan
Mayamiko Kachingwe
Nick Haigh
Nick Warner
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Sameer Godbole
4 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Charlie Morgan
Gordon Baker
Hugo Fuller
James Arbib
Michael Davies
Steve Davies
Tristan Gervais
3 a fast-paced game, punctuated only by Tristan's 25 minute late arrival (at which point his team was trailing 2-1) and a rather excessive extra-time imposed by Baker who, frankly, just doesn't like losing.
Wed, 21/11/2018 Paraguay
Hugo Cuddigan
Martin Calver
Nick Haigh
Nick Warner
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Richard Aseme
Steve Davies
4 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Barney Reynolds
Gordon Baker
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
Tristan Gervais
William Stevenson
1 A fast flowing game saw 15 skillful footballers and Inglis P battle it out on a chilly night. Blues are a work in progress and tonight saw them cut their losing deficit to only three (Warner & Reynolds think four but numbers is not their strong point) from last week’s nine. On this basis next week’s result should be 1-1. Get down to the betting shop or bet365! Paraguay again got three goals midway through the first half piling the pressure on Uruguay who found they had little time on the ball which resulted in mistakes which Paraguay gleefully accepted. Half time team talk saw two trains of thought from the Uruguay team. Coltart R suggested playing the way your facing and go for the shorter pass option while Reynolds B suggested always giving him the ball wherever he was on the pitch! A delicate middle ground was adopted as at the start of the second half Coltart R bombed down the left and swept a majestic twenty yard pass along the ground into an on rushing Reynolds who stroked it home first touch. 3-1 and a glimmer of hope for Uruguay which was quickly sniffed out by another blue gaffe and Paraguay went 4-1 up. 1-1 second half is another positive for Blues. So in summary while Uruguay lost they won the most improved team award so a victory too! On a side note it transpires some of you do read these tedious dull reports! Do you have nothing better to do? I know Warner doesn’t but the rest of you?!? I now have to be a bit more careful in my third person analysis and who I am rude about! Have a good week all goodnight.
Wed, 14/11/2018 Paraguay
Andy Krick
Hugo Cuddigan
Mayamiko Kachingwe
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Simon Gillespie
Steve Davies
William Stevenson
10 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Fuller
James Arbib
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
Tristan Gervais
1 Not since Max Mosley’s last fancy dress party has anyone taken such a spanking as the blues did last night! It was one way traffic all night as the hapless Uruguayans didn’t know what to do bar a brief three mins spell to sneak a goal and spare the blushes of a niller thou I am surprise we managed to score. The red and whites had strength all over the park with Maya in defence the Davies brothers marshalling the midfield and Calver M & Stevenson W upfront along with Krick, Gillespie & Inglis floating but not in a turd in the toilet sense which was more akin to blues defence! Blues were mainly caught on the break and their 0-0-7 formation never really worked! Credit to Paraguay for turning around their miserable run against Uruguay so emphatically. Will it last-let’s see next week as this Uruguayan is fired up for revenge!
Wed, 07/11/2018 Paraguay
Andy Krick
Hugo Cuddigan
Jonny Matthews
Mayamiko Kachingwe
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Richard Aseme
Steve Davies
2 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Barney Reynolds
Gordon Baker
Hugo Fuller
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
4 So firstly I would like to note that Uruguay used to be first on the team sheet but in a bid to look like they are winning some matches Paraguay now appear first however the match reports will confirm Uruguay so far dominance this season. Secondly on coming back from a two week holiday the rest of my Uruguayan teammates informed me that after a detailed statistical and practical analysis they have isolated and located the weakest link in our team. I was eager to hear who but surprised to learn it was me! Apparently while away blues inflicted crushing results on the red and whites such as 10-4! They have asked me to take more holidays! Finally tonight’s game was 4-2 which perhaps highlights my teammates concerns!
Wed, 17/10/2018 Paraguay
Alexander Hodgson
Andy Krick
Hugo Cuddigan
Nick Warner
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Simon Gillespie
William Stevenson
5 Uruguay
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Fuller
John Romeo
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Richard Aseme
Rupert Coltart
Tristan Gervais
4 Concern by some of the Paraguayan players at the start of the game that they had a much stronger team than Uruguay proved unfounded. Tonight we witnessed goal of the season if not goal of the worthless westway. Davies M shimmied down the right wing ghosting past everyone then unleashed a screaming rising right foot shot.....thank goodness for the flyover as the ball clipped the underpass 15 foot above the goal and ricocheted into the goal!! This perhaps was a microcosm of Uruguay slightly riding their luck to open up a 4-2 lead. Yes Uruguay played the better football but Paraguay caught them on the break and pulled it back to 4-4 and were in the ascendancy and perhaps should have won it as they were all over Paraguay in the last minute. Thankfully the only shot Uruguay had in the last ten minutes snuck in and they were able to hold on to sneak it. Well played Uruguay
Wed, 10/10/2018 Paraguay
Andy Krick
Hugo Cuddigan
Nick Warner
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Simon Gillespie
Steve Davies
6 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Gordon Baker
Hugo Fuller
James Arbib
John Romeo
Rupert Coltart
Tristan Gervais
2 A bit like the Paraguayan War also know as the War of the Triple Alliance of 1864, tonight's Paraguayan Team got annihilated. The scoreline may have even be 7-2 as I thought everyone on the Uruguayan team scored! Uruguay were compact and disciplined and scored all manner of goals from headers to tap ins and even a Romeo J slow mo goal! Good pub attendance too and the naughty step for Warner and Hodgson for being the last two on the pitch today. See you all next week.
Wed, 03/10/2018 Paraguay
Andy Krick
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Cuddigan
Martin Calver
Michael Davies
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
4 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Gordon Baker
Hugo Fuller
James Walters
Mark Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
4 Finally the tops for the two teams arrived. The order seems to have been placed around 1997 as my top would have fitted me then when I had a six pack and was a lean machine. Now a few kilos heavier and a one pack the top may only last a few weeks as the washes will turn it into a tight crop top! Perhaps the distraction will blind the oppo and we will win more games! Anyhow tonight's game saw Paraguay go two nil up in the first quarter. Cuddigan H's trip to Cancun must have been so awful that he clearly had been thinking about his striking skills as he drilled a peach of a shot into the top right hand corner from two yards out. Davies P added a second as Uruguay looked a little disjointed and concerned as to where their goals were going to come from. Step forward Hodgson A who decided to highlight some of his attacking skills as a crisp move was neatly finished by him and then a sweet strike 15 yards out that Paraguay's keeper could see as Hodgson A bent it around a defender and nestled the ball top left. Half time 2-2. Uruguay looked to be in the ascendancy but despite more chances than Paraguay could not get that all important winner and honours were even. Hodgson A deserves another mention for taking a well drilled ball, by his brother-in-law, in the nuts. The other 13 guys all winced and felt some pain but Hodgson’s pain allowed Uruguay to hang on. In the pub Coltart R had his usual (hot dog and nachos) while watching Arena 3 show Champions League football. The delay or repeat of the picture seems to bring clarity to sports betting and the benefit of being several seconds ahead/behind of the stream!!!! Also as a PS the report will start recording and awarding people who are late. As we start late anyway after our usual warm up and chats there really is no excuse unless any of you are running the country or world. Krick A takes the award this week!
Wed, 26/09/2018 Paraguay
Andy Krick
Charlie Morgan
Nick Warner
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Simon Gillespie
Steve Davies
6 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Gordon Baker
James Arbib
John Romeo
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
4 This week Uruguay did not blow their three goal half time lead. They lost the second half 4-3 but that was due to the usual panic of being ahead while at the same time believing they could pirouette the ball into the net. Some Uruguayans also blamed the second half loss on the fact the new kits had not arrived and the Paraguay team were playing in a mix of red and white tops which was confusing. Personally for me that is a load of cobblers. We are in blue so look for someone in blue & they are on your team. It doesn’t matter if the opposition are decked out in technicolour dream coats. If it’s not blue it ain’t for Uruguay! Great goals by blues but I’m not getting paid enough (or anything) to break the game down for the masses (over -1 at last count) who read this!
Wed, 19/09/2018 Paraguay
Andy Krick
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Cuddigan
Nick Warner
Richard Aseme
Simon Gillespie
Steve Davies
Tristan Gervais
5 Uruguay
Alexander Hodgson
Hugo Fuller
James Arbib
John Romeo
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
7 How do you squander a 3 goal lead. That is what Coltart R was wondering as he strolled head down to the pub to console himself. And boy did he. The German Hotdog with sauteed onions was a revelation and recommended to everyone going forward. The nachos and chips were the same old same old fyi. Uruguay romped out to an early three goal lead with an opening wonder strike from Arbib who (toe-poked) sweetly struck the ball far right side of the pitch and it whistled into the top left corner. The second was a slight fortuitous ricochet and the third was an alert Romeo who pounced on the keeper as he tried to dribble the ball out of his area. Paraguay recognising that these goals were unique occurrences and could not continue did not get disheartened but slowly and methodically set about pinning Uruguay back into their half and creating opportunities. These opportunities were woeful and Paraguay should be grateful to Uruguay's sudden blase take on the game with some incomprehensible over elaborate passes, innumerable (6!) misses on goal, as well as the usual last man dribble out from the back. Uruguay were soon 4-3 down and Paraguay never looked back. Uruguay a little shell shocked and confused tried to regroup but as one Uruguayan pointed out the game felt like a "Paraguyan (made up-Ed) wave washing over them". Paraguay were simply more clinical in front of goal. Oh well c'est la vie at least my stomach felt like a winner after the hot dog! Paraguay's talismanic striker is leading a three day legal orgy (surely conference-Ed) to Cancun next week so perhaps there is hope for Uruguay then!
Wed, 12/09/2018 Paraguay
Hugo Cuddigan
Nick Warner
Oliver Gorton
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Simon Gillespie
Steve Davies
3 Uruguay
Gordon Baker
Hugo Fuller
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Robin Haller
Rupert Coltart
Tristan Gervais
2 Welcome back from the summer recess! I am looking forward to as many of you commenting on these reports as last season (0 at last count!). Anyhow moving swiftly on after a mad dash on deadline day several big names (and some smaller ones) swapped sides as Uruguay v Paraguay were chosen as the teams for the season. Manufacturing troubles meant kits were not yet available so both teams took to the pitch with one side naked from the waist down the other from the waist up. Anyhow jokes aside the game continued where last season left off with a competitive close match which either side could have won. Ultimately Blues were more clinical in front of goal as well as in goal where two reaction saves meant they were hanging on to victory. Couldn't make the pub. Roll on next week
Wed, 06/06/2018 Genoa
Alexander Hodgson
Andy Krick
Deven Ghelani
Gordon Baker
Mark Davies
Nick Warner
Oliver Gorton
Simon Gillespie
- Sampdoria
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Cuddigan
Hugo Fuller
John Romeo
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
- The final game of the season was a jolly and entertaining affair. The result almost seems pointless to mention (blues won) hence the lack of scores. It was great to see all of blues regulars turn out and most of whites too. Everyone then decamped to the pub to watch Coltart R abuse the Worthless bank account with his usual starter, steak & dessert order. In reviewing the match reports I have written this season the most striking thing to notice is first the lack of any comment from anyone else thereby showing that no one reads these (allegedly) witty reports that I spend a good deal of time constructing (almost 1 second per minute of game time) & secondly how much I have personally enjoyed playing in the games whether I won or lost. This is clearly a great testament to everyone's commitment to the Worthless cause and hopefully it will continue for many seasons to come. Early shout for next season's teams either Peru v Denmark (most random world cup 1st leg match?) or for personal reasons Schalke v Dortmund. Have a good summer everyone this is Broadsword (name that film) calling.........Genoa v Sampdoria over and out!
Wed, 30/05/2018 Genoa
Deven Ghelani
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Nick Warner
Oliver Gorton
Robin Haller
Steve Davies
Will Allen
9 Sampdoria
Alexander Hodgson
Hugo Cuddigan
Hugo Fuller
James Beaumont
John Romeo
Martin Calver
Rupert Coltart
3 A strange match as the score at half-time was 2-1 to Whites and was a very close half. Blues scored first then conceded two upto half time. Blues half time chat spoke about staying compact prohibiting whites to play in the middle of the park and catch them on the break. Whites must have just had a microphone in the blues camp as that is exactly what they did while blues marked the boards on the edge of the pitch! Whites scored 3 goals in as many minutes at the start of the second half and pretty much owned the game. Whatever blues tried just didnt quite work. 9 goals were scored in the second half which works out at around 1 every 3 minutes so the one lone spectator has a field day as credit to whites some of the goals were pretty special and well worked. The blues regulars all agreed we played terribly but at least not as bad as a niller! Final match of the season next week will decide who wins the league!
Wed, 23/05/2018 Genoa
Andy Krick
Gordon Baker
James Arbib
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Nick Warner
Oliver Gorton
Simon Gillespie
- Sampdoria
Alexander Hodgson
Barney Reynolds
Charlie Morgan
Ethan Kline
Hugo Cuddigan
Pete Davies
Richard Aseme
Rupert Coltart
4 George W said it best: Fool me once shame on you. Fool me you cant get fooled again!" And yet Whites allowed themselves to be fooled into another niller! It's a bit like red buses-you wait for 20+ years then two come along in quick succession. Blues success rested with Ethan who as always is solid and sensible unlike the rest of blues! The scoreline perhaps flattered blues too as the first half was 1-0 with chances at both ends created by good football by both teams. It is an odd scenario as it seems suddenly 16 40+ years old men have all realised the key to good football at the same time as the game ebbed and flowed until Blues took the wind out of white's sails midway through the second half with their second and third goals close together. Coltart R after four weeks off in the US turned up with a backwards baseball cap and a very stylish homeless look! Do they not have scissors or razors in the US or have TSA confiscated everyones?!? Two games left of the season who will get promoted and who relegated? No idea about the pub attendance as I didnt go but as usual I suspect everyone discussed how good I am! It is wonderful as no one reads these reports I can spout drivel all day!
Wed, 18/04/2018 Genoa
Andy Krick
Ben Donald
Gordon Baker
James Arbib
Mark Davies
Michael Davies
Nick Warner
Oliver Gorton
4 Sampdoria
Alexander Hodgson
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Cuddigan
Hugo Fuller
Paddy Inglis
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
Steve Davies
4 Firstly I would like to register my incredulity at the p*sspoor response of my team picking from last week. Clearly my quantum algorithmic data metric team picker was in the end useless or you all did not play how my model thought you would play! However more importantly tonight's report. In my 12 years playing Worthless football I have seen some wonderful (among the usual drivel) football moments but perhaps the ultimate and never to be repeated event tonight was an edge of the box headed goal by blues talismanic striker. While it’s been brought to my attention that no one reads my match reports I will record this event like a time capsule moment for Martians to read. While some of us thought Seve was working for whites he did fly (like an airbus A320) down the left side to deliver a great cross. Who was there to meet it I hear you ask (or is that silence I hear?!?). Well Olly and Hugo C were jostling in the box and thankfully Olly slipped. This left Hugo C partially distracted by Olly falling to the ground to head the ball in and as he admitted after only really partially aware of what he had done as the distraction allowed his brain to not over think the issue! Blues have now requested that Whites fall or slip more often when we give the ball to Hugo, we may get better results! Anyhow in the end nothing could separate these two talented (bit much?) two teams. Fun attendance in the pub too. I am now away for four weeks so someone else will have to pick up this cherished mantle of reports.......that no on reads. Thank you!
Wed, 04/04/2018 Genoa
Mark Davies
Martin Calver
Nick Haigh
Nick Warner
Robin Haller
Tristan Gervais
Zac Arbib
6 Sampdoria
Deven Ghelani
Hugo Cuddigan
Paddy Inglis
Richard Aseme
Richard Clode
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
5 A true Worthless match which was fun, entertaining and could have gone either way. Whites had to recruit a ringer who seemed to have every colour of shirt apart from a blue or white, so he played in yellow! Blues seemed a little over confident from their last few weeks of thumping victories and could have gone ahead however they seemed more intent in scoring spectacular goals and so it was left to whites to take the lead. They never gave that up and were often two goals ahead however blues kept pegging them back. At 8.58 it was 6-5 and whites seemed to be camped in their goal as blues kept pressing to grab a late draw. Last shot of the match was an Inglis loopy lob which had some power and hit the crossbar would have been a great way to end the match as neither team deserved to lose, but blues did! For those who are interested three small lamb kebabs were ordered at a very quiet pub after and were excellent, did we book the whole pub out?!?
Wed, 28/03/2018 Genoa
Alexander Hodgson
Deven Ghelani
James Arbib
James Walters
Nick Warner
Oliver Gorton
Steve Davies
Zac Arbib
1 Sampdoria
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Cuddigan
Hugo Fuller
John Romeo
Nick Haigh
Pete Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
4 Blues continue their current form with another win. Tempting fate by asking when will this end.........try tomorrow!
Wed, 21/03/2018 Genoa
Alexander Hodgson
Charlie Morgan
James Arbib
John Park
Mark Davies
Oliver Gorton
Richard Aseme
Steve Davies
4 Sampdoria
Amr Abulaban
Ben Donald
Hugo Cuddigan
Hugo Fuller
Michael Davies
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Rupert Coltart
7 A relaxed Blues team rolled up after last week's game and started the match as they finished the last one by opening up a 3-0 lead. While discussing the possibility of whites failing to score again they allowed Davies S to wander down the middle of the pitch and score. 4-1 at halftime saw Abulaban A switch for Park J who seemed to be hobbling on arrival. Impressive to pull a hammy from the car park to the pitch! This saw the one sided first half become a 3-3 second half though blues took their foot off the gas and did the usual second half team leading antics of attempted cute passes, flicks, pirouettes etc. Roll on next week
Wed, 14/03/2018 Genoa
Andy Krick
Ben Donald
Gordon Baker
James Arbib
James Walters
John Park
Mark Davies
Nick Warner
- Sampdoria
Alexander Hodgson
Charlie Morgan
Hugo Cuddigan
Hugo Fuller
Michael Davies
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Rupert Coltart
5 Tonight’s report consists of a quiz: which one of these is NOT fiction and/or myth. Is it a) Camelot b) Lost city of Atlantis c) Loch Ness Monster d) A Worthless Niller e) A Unicorn f) None of the above. If you have answered f) please never play again!
Wed, 07/03/2018 Genoa
Alexander Hodgson
Andy Krick
Charlie Morgan
Gordon Baker
Mark Davies
Robin Haller
Tristan Gervais
2 Sampdoria
Hugo Cuddigan
Hugo Fuller
John Romeo
Paddy Inglis
Pete Davies
Rupert Coltart
Saverio Campione
7 Once again the PhD/MBA requiring Worthless availability online system fooled someone and it looked like Whites were going to be one player short. Thankfully Kyle Walker was strolling by (could explain Man City's result!) and jumped onto the pitch. This strengthening of White's did little to help them as the Blues despatched them like Jon Snow with Longclaw destroying the White Walkers! It is worth noting that Blues had their regular seven for the first time this season and boy did they click. The pre-match pep talk from their talismanic striker went along the lines of "can you all play properly this week. We have a good chance as I dont see any recognised striker on their team and neither do I on ours" Profound words! Off the ball running, short crisp passes, playing the way they were facing made blues look like a well drilled machine. Goals of all sorts were scored from half volleys to tap ins however the goal of the evening was a short pass out from Blues goal and four one touch passes covering five sixths of the pitch the final one being played right into the onrushing Hugo Fuller who side footed (WITH HIS WEAKER FOOT!!) the ball into the bottom left of the goal while fooling us all by looking top right.......mis-hit my ass he knew what he was doing! Can Blues repeat this feat next week, fingers crossed they can as it made for a fun pub afterwards where the scoreline was almost repeated by pub attendees! We also need to have a word with the pub about permitting office functions on a Wednesday without keeping space for regulars!